Suffering
by Joulez
Summary: Jack and Ianto have a little talk, after Jack ends up in Ianto's care. Slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: **PG  
**Spoilers: **Cyberwoman Spoilers.  
**Characters: **Jack, Ianto and a Weevil.  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine they all belong to the Beeb.

**Suffering**

The quiet humming of the Hub's computers seemed exceedingly loud. Jack had been sitting in his office for a little over three hours, trying to diminish the ever-pounding headache. He had died twice at the hands of the Cyberwoman, and the result was the blinding headache. It was the same every time he came back: he'd have a headache for about twenty four hours before he would feel normal again.

The Weevil alarm went off, the sound like shards of glass breaking inside his head but he couldn't ignore the alarm. Climbing to his feet, he picked up what he needed before leaving the Hub. His vision kept going out of focus as he ran along several streets toward the Weevil's location.

The Weevil in question was ransacking a little corner shop, obviously looking for some food; there were no police around yet. Jack headed over to the Weevil, trying to keep his focus on the job at hand. He came to a stop a few feet away from the creature.

"Ya know, you could wait until the shop opens to get your groceries," commented Jack.

The Weevil stopped tipping over a crisp rack to turn towards the intruder, snarling an answer like it had understood what Jack had said. It turned away to carry on what it was doing, ignoring the threat behind it.

"Oh come on, you're not going to ignore me are you?"

Jack walked through the broken door, his boots crunching on the shards of glass. It seemed the slow crunching of glass irritated the Weevil, as it turned back around.

"See, now I know you really don't need to be here," said Jack.

He didn't normally talk to the Weevils until he had them cuffed or secure in one of the Hub's cells, but then he wasn't feeling his normal self at the moment. His headache hadn't diminished at all. The Weevil snarled something in response, before it started advancing on Jack. One of Jack's hands was hidden inside his coat, his fingers curled around the cool metal of the Webly.

Snarling deeply, as though giving Jack some sort of ultimatum, the Weevil didn't stop moving forwards. In a minute, it was standing face to face with Jack, its mouth twisted, showing its sharp teeth. Jack gripped the gun tighter and subtly removed it from his jacket and brought it round so it was pointing at the Weevil's mid-section.

Unfortunately, the Weevil had noticed the weapon being drawn and in order to save its own life, it lashed out, its clawed hand catching Jack in his side, ripping through the layers of clothes, drawing blood and knocking Jack off his feet.

Cursing, Jack got back to his feet unsteadily and tried firing off a round, only to find that the fall had caused the trigger on the weapon to jam. He didn't get chance to pull the Weevil spray out of his other pocket, as again he was thrown several feet. This time his head connected with the concrete pavement and his already blinding headache increased tenfold. The Weevil advanced again, this time preparing to finish Jack off. It raised a hand when a bullet tore through its shoulder. Howling in agony, the Weevil took off into the darkness, to tend to its own wounds.

Jack raised his head, trying to make out who had come to his aid, but his head was foggy from losing so much blood and all he could make out was some tall, smartly dressed figured before he passed out, thankful for the darkness that encased him, giving him some peace.

* * *

Ianto was sitting in his living room, a tie twisting through his hands, a nervous gesture that he had picked up. It had only been twenty four hours or less since he'd lost Lisa and now her killer was lying in his bed, injured. He didn't know what had possessed him to bring Jack back to his little flat; maybe it had been the amount of blood spreading across the pavement.

So pushing aside his anger for the man, Ianto had half-carried and half-dragged Jack back to his flat. Once he'd put the man on the bed, Ianto had took a step back and watched as more blood soaked through the man's tops. Ianto had thought he'd feel glad, maybe even justified at seeing Jack hurt and bleeding, but he hadn't. He had just felt empty and slightly guilty, so he had struggled to get the bloodied clothing off and cleaned and bandaged the wounds up.

Once he'd finished, he had shut the bedroom door and sat himself down on the sofa. He knew he should have phoned for Owen, but Owen was still pissed off at him, and he knew Jack wouldn't appreciate being taken to a hospital. So he was stuck with him until Jack was healed enough to leave.

Ianto let out a sigh and ran a hand through his still mussed up hair. He hadn't really sorted his appearance out since Lisa. He couldn't stand the pain that thinking of her brought, and tidying himself up would be admitting that she was gone and he was washing her from his life. But he knew he had to carry on, he couldn't just stop and give up. It wasn't what he did.

A sound in the bedroom caused Ianto to look up at the door; he wasn't sure if he could face Jack. He was still twisting the tie, as something landed with a 'thud' on the floor. Swallowing thickly, Ianto got to his feet and slowly made his way over to the bedroom door. Taking a deep breath and schooling his face so it gave nothing away, he pushed open the door.

The sight that met him wasn't one he'd expected: Jack was half on and half off the bed. It looked like he had tried to stand and failed miserably. Letting out a sigh, Ianto settled Jack back on to the bed without saying a word.

"You not talking to me?" mumbled Jack.

"You need rest, sir, talking isn't productive to rest."

"I'll be fine in a couple of days."

Ianto didn't bother to reply. He just straightened up the cover and turned to leave the bedroom.

"Ianto, we need to talk."

"Just rest, sir."

The next morning, Ianto made some coffee for himself and Jack. He felt calmer now it was daylight. He hadn't yet had the chance to grab a clean suit or a shower so he was distinctly crumpled. Yet the thought of facing Jack didn't seem nearly as daunting as it had done last night. Pushing open the door with his shoulder, he saw Jack trying to peel off the bandages from his forearm, shoulder and torso. The Weevil had cut Jack up pretty thoroughly. The shirt he'd been wearing had had to be thrown out.

"Sir, you need to leave the bandages on," said Ianto.

Looking up Jack replied, "So you're talking to me today."

"I brought you some coffee, sir."

Ianto placed the mug on the bedside table and made to leave, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He tried not to look at Jack, but when Jack didn't say anything, he had to look.

"We need to talk," said Jack, stressing each word.

"You need to rest, sir."

"Bullshit, Ianto. I'm perfectly fine."

"You were mauled by a Weevil, sir. You need rest."

"If you don't talk to me I'll…"

"You'll what sir?"

"I'll fire you."

The silence in the room was deafening Ianto pulled his arm free and left the bedroom. If Jack wanted to fire him then so be it; he didn't care any more. He heard shuffling in the other room, before a muffled curse was heard and a dull thump on the wall.

"Ianto?"

Ianto snapped his head up at Jack's voice and he could see the other man was struggling to stay on his feet. Without thinking, he was at Jack's side, arm wrapped around his waist and guiding him to the sofa, helping him to sit down.

"I'm sorry," whispered Ianto.

"I know, but you, you lied to all of us. How long was she there?" asked Jack.

"Not long after I started I brought her to the Hub. I thought I could…I thought she'd be alright," admitted Ianto.

Jack shook his head, "The Cyberwoman tricked you, Ianto, it's what they do, and they think it's what humans should be like."

"Maybe they had the right idea."

"What?"

"All the pain, it hurts, even after the person that's causing the pain has left."

"That's what makes us human. Without it we aren't anything, just a shell," replied Jack, before quickly changing the subject, "How did you find me?"

"Sir?"

"Last night."

"Oh. I live not far from where the Weevil attacked. I heard the gun fire, sir."

"You said that you'd watch me suffer. Why did you help me?" asked Jack.

"I just did," replied Ianto, getting to his feet. "I need to change the bandages."

Ianto didn't speak again as he took the dirty bandages off and put some clean ones on. He was surprised to see that Jack was just starting to heal and he couldn't stop the soft smile crossing his face as Jack fell asleep. Shaking his head, the smile disappeared as he disposed of the dirty bandages. He couldn't think of Jack as a friend, he just couldn't. He hated him, didn't he?


	2. Building Bridges

**Building Bridges**

Ianto had let Jack sleep on the sofa for the past hour. He had managed to have a shower and was now dressed in an old t-shirt and trousers. He was currently leaning against one of the sides in the kitchen, listening to the growing sound of the kettle.

He couldn't fathom out what he was feeling. It was like a storm brewing, one emotion quickly followed by another, leaving him feeling washed out. Ianto wasn't sure of anything any more. He should have hated Jack but he was sure that he didn't. Letting out a sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to the kettle. He couldn't keep himself in this limbo, not knowing what he was feeling. He had to sort things out, properly; apologizing just didn't seem to cut it.

The sound of a rustling blanket caught Ianto's attention and he automatically pulled out a clean mug and made an extra cup of coffee. Picking up the steaming mugs he carried them into the living area, and placed them down on to the coasters.

"How are you feeling, sir?" asked Ianto.

"Better than yesterday, thank you, Ianto."

"You're welcome, sir."

Ianto picked up the discarded blanket, folding it up several times before putting it on the back of the sofa out of the way. He glanced over to Jack, watching as the man ran a hand through his hair before taking a sip from the coffee. Ianto continued to shuffle around the little living room, trying to find something to keep him from having to talk to Jack. As he turned his back on him to try to put some distance between them, he heard Jack move around, before a hand took hold of his arm.

"Stop," insisted Jack, "this is your home; you don't have to put a show on just for me."

"Sorry, sir."

"And stop apologizing."

Ianto glanced down to the floor before pulling his arm away and carrying on with what he was doing. He heard Jack sigh loudly behind him. Ianto had never been any good at telling people what he was feeling or explaining why he did something. In his head everything he had done for Lisa had been to help her, to save her.

"Sorry," repeated Ianto quietly, still shuffling around.

"You know what, I think I'll leave," replied Jack, annoyance clear in his voice. "You're obviously uncomfortable with me being here."

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Ianto!"

"I can't," snapped Ianto, finally losing patience. "It was my fault all of you nearly ended up dead! I'm sorry, I really am and I keep saying it, hoping it will make everything alright. I can't change what I did and it's my fault she's dead."

"Yes, everything that happened was your fault, Ianto, but like you said, you can't change it. You gotta get over it; you can't live for the guilt, believe me it doesn't work!" Jack said sincerely.

"You killed her! You killed her and I loved her!" shouted Ianto. Maybe he did still hate Jack after all. The anger was back, the hatred swirling in his stomach, making him feel sick. He hated Jack; he hated him with a passion for what he'd done.

"I killed her because I had to," replied Jack, a deadly sort of calm in his voice. "She wasn't the Lisa you used to know, and she played you and everyone else. You gotta realize that I did what I had to do, to take out a threat to this planet."

"Why?"

"Because she was dangerous. There was no saving her; the cyber part of her was the strongest. Ianto, you saw what she did, what she could do," answered Jack gently.

Ianto didn't move. He couldn't. It was like everything that was being said was holding him in place. He didn't turn his head away from Jack's gaze. He tried to stay angry with him, he really did, and he tried to keep telling himself that Lisa was human, she'd always been human. But Jack's words seemed to have made him stop and listen. Ianto kept trying to rationalize it all in his head, but he couldn't. As he listened, more of what Jack said made sense, and a wave of grief washed over him. He lowered his head, his eyes feeling wet, he brought a hand up to his mouth to keep from crying out loud. It made sense, everything that had been said, suddenly made sense; he felt a tug on his shoulder before he was pulled into a comforting embrace. The hand on his back kept him from disappearing into his memories and he couldn't do anything except cry.

"I'm sorry," whispered Jack.

The two stood there for what seemed like an hour, before Ianto pulled away, his face red from crying. Taking some deep breaths, Ianto stepped backwards, trying to regain some of his control.

"Better?" asked Jack.

"I just…I'm…"

"Don't start apologizing again."

"I am so sorry though…Jack. I thought we could help her. Torchwood hurt her, and they should have been able to help her, save her."

"Trust me, if I had known of any way to have saved her, I would have done."

"But you killed her." Ianto whispered, not sure if Jack had heard him speak.

"I did what I had to do. I'm not sorry she's dead, but I am sorry that you got hurt in the process."

Ianto nodded his head. He felt a little better and he didn't feel like he was stuck in limbo any more. Sure he could hardly call Jack a friend, but he didn't exactly hate him, either.

"I…I…I understand why you did it but I can't…it'll take a while," replied Ianto.

"That's good, that you understand," said Jack quietly.

The two men stood in silence again, neither of them really looking at the other. Ianto felt shaky, like he'd had the flu, all the emotion sharing had been tough and he really wasn't used to it. He kept his head down, not willing to look up to Jack again, although he knew no more could exactly be said between them. He heard Jack move away from him, then a rustle of a coat made him finally look up. He smiled tiredly at Jack, before watching the man leave. He felt calmer than he had done, since the whole incident with Lisa had begun, he knew that he had taken the first step into healing himself. He knew also that he would have to face the rest of the team, but he felt good that at least Jack had accepted his apology. He really didn't hate the man, not any more at least.


End file.
